Transgender mice and the "Dawg Pound"...
I did not watch Trump’s address to Congress in real time. I can only deal with so much stupid at one sitting, and he does tend to ramble on a bit. So I caught the best bits the next day. I learned that he lied continuously for one hour and forty minutes, or longer than the average Woody Allen movie. Longer than Adrien Brody’s Oscar acceptance speech. Much of the President’s time was spent on his obsession with genitalia. He made it clear over and over again that the 10 NCAA transgender athletes in the entire country (NPR tried to pin down this number and we only able to confirm 5) will never be able to pee in peace as long as he’s around……and this seemed to excite Elon Musk’s mob even more than Elonia’s recent dismantling of USAID. The upcoming gutting of Social Security, on the other hand, wasn’t even mentioned. It’s all about the dick, Bubba.
Otherwise it was the usual litany of grievances and ignorance, punctuated this time by informing the world that without the genius of Elon, American taxpayers would still be subsidizing transgender mice. Turns out he confused transgender with “transgenic”, but these things happen when you are a fucking moron.
And that’s the thing. Not all Republicans are fucking morons. There had to be half a dozen or so who knew the difference between “transgender” and “transgenic”. But can you imagine trying to explain this to a Lauren Boebert? A woman sexually aroused by “Beetlejuice”? Surely it’s easier to dumb yourself down in this crowd….to allow oneself to be swept along by a tsunami of dumb fuckery, lest you be tagged as “woke” or “elitist” for knowing how to spell. Bill Clinton spent 8 years in the White House by repeating his “it’s the economy, stupid” mantra, but this has since been replaced by the more catchy “it’s the stupidity, stupid”.
It’s sort of an Orwellian thing by now. Trump is so dense that his supporters start to question their own intelligence. After a while, somebody saying “2+2=4” sounds positively subversive….and people with law degrees from Yale start speaking at the level of somebody you might find in the “Dawg Pound” at a Cleveland Browns game. And then a JD Vance is suddenly a few cheeseburgers and a massive coronary away from being the next President of the United States.
But I digress.
As usual, Democrats were in complete disarray during all of this. Instead of hanging together, they still prefer to hang separately. Some didn’t attend at all. Others held signs. A few jeered. The only one showing genuine balls got ceremoniously tossed from the room for relentless heckling (I made a note so I can Venmo Rep. Al Green a few dollars). Most just looked on glumly, neutered by the freak show going on around them, which included whooping republicans in what appeared to be a collective orgiastic frenzy. To refer to the Trump coalition as a “cult” does not do it justice any longer. These people would crawl to the Jonestown tubs like snakes. If Trump whipped out his dick to piss on them, they’d kneel down and open their mouths. They make Led Zeppelin groupies look like Princess Diana.
The only person in the chamber who looked sadder than the Democrats was Trump’s wife, who sat there the entire time biting her lip and dreaming of Justin Trudeau.
Each member is more programmed than Frank Sinatra in “The Manchurian Candidate”. There is not a single non-brain-damaged Republican in the House of Representatives. Every single one of them is, at the very least, a Russian agent by default….somebody who years ago might have been asked to sit on Julius and Ethel Rosenberg’s lap. These days treason is trending. Putin is a rock star. Zelenskyy is the enemy.
Jeering….leering…..mouths coated with spittle…..every act of cruelty is cheered. They collectively resemble a pack of wild baboons. Behind Trump sits (and often stands) JD Vance and Mike Johnson, who seem to be competing with each other to see who can be more cravenly subservient. If Trump lobbed a banana over his shoulder they’d dive on it like desperate spinster bridesmaids chasing the bouquet. Somehow, someway, half of the voting population has convinced themselves that what they are watching is “toughness”, and not what George Carlin once called “the pussification of America”. And honestly, between Trump’s face paint and Vance’s Botox and Green Day-inspired eyeliner, it all seems kinda gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
The Supreme Court was also there. John Roberts was audibly thanked by Trump for giving him criminal immunity, “Thank you again. I won’t forget it”, he semi-whispered as he walked past and thumped the Chief Justice on the back. Where does one even begin with something so brazenly slimy? Roberts looked like he hoped the floor would open up and swallow him……as Trump toady Alito smirked in the background like a satiated hyena, secure in the knowledge that at least his job wasn’t on the DOGE chopping block. Trump doesn’t simply own the Supreme Court, he feels comfortable publicly stuffing their balls in his oversized suit pocket.
I could go on but I feel the sudden urge to shower. One thing I should mention in closing is that I found much of his speech hilarious. It was an absolute perfect parody of a wanna-be strong man. I laughed out loud more times than I can count. There is absolutely no need for a Coen Brothers movie when this is over. It cannot be parodied. It did that to itself.
Enjoy your $100,000 pick-up trucks….
In a bit…
—tf