Mandela and Jesus and Kid Rock fans

Free column today. Because why not? But I can’t make them ALL free….so this button is for you…

My favorite part of indictment day was Majorie Taylor Greene comparing Donald Trump to Nelson Mandela and Jesus. She did this on camera and an NBC News story felt the need to add that "she did not appear to be kidding" to its reporting. Afterwards, Greene was leading what turned out to be a feeble Trump rally on the courthouse steps. The roughly 100 Trump supporters were vastly outnumbered by the media scrum alone. The media are as obsessed with Greene as they are with Trump. Unapologetic fascists are great copy in a democracy. Quite ironic.

It's worth noting that Nelson Mandela never falsified business records to illegally cover up a hush money payment to a porn star who alleged she carried on an affair with him, shortly after the birth of his fifth child to his third wife.

And Jesus was the original 30 year old virgin, so he's in the clear too.

But so much for all that.

Alas, the press did not get their Fort Sumter moment. Trump's latest call to arms didn't exactly bring out the January 6 crowds, although to be fair a lot of them are currently in prison and could not make it. After less than 10 minutes Greene became so overwhelmed with jeering counter-protesters that she was forced to flee like a scalded dog to her government subsidized SUV, protected by a phalanx of NYCs finest, whose boss she had just been vilifying. Not sure what her actual constituents feel about their Congresswoman eschewing them to chase Trump around the country like a Dead fan trailing the ghost of Jerry Garcia, but since they actually voted for her my suspicion is they keep them there thoughts pretty darn simple.

Her show made for much better television than a grim-faced extra-orange fully-coiffed Trump finally turning himself in, surrounded by yet another legal team who are more likely to be disbarred at the end of all this than paid. Trump was not handcuffed or mugshot-ed.....turns out that sort of thing is reserved for the unwashed plebes. He was fingerprinted, however. I'm sure they were the best fingerprints ever. Perfect fingerprints.

Honestly, he looked like a scared little boy. He non-theatrically and even deferentially (at one point he thanked the judge he later called "a Trump hater") pleaded not guilty to all charges, and then fucked back off to Florida, where he ignored the judge's instructions to not inflame the situation by immediately convening a rally to spew the same wild-eyed inane bullshit that compels all self-respecting high profile lawyers to screen their calls. He even brought up Hilary Clinton's emails and Hunter Biden's "laptop from hell", his equivalent of Elvis doing karate moves to revive a flagging Vegas performance. Never fails. After fuming for over an hour, the press collectively asked "you mad, bro?" to which a spokesperson responded that only "thirsty cockroaches" would claim Trump is upset after getting charged with 34 felonies.

So there is that.

The media covered Trump's flight from Florida like NORAD following Santa Claus on New Year's Eve. The next morning helicopters followed the taxpayer funded motorcade like it was OJs Ford Bronco. It was a gruesome spectacle. And coming hard on the heels of Sunday night's 60 Minutes interview with Majorie Taylor Greene in which once legendary (and now former) journalist Lesley Stahl responded to Greene's claim that Democrats were all pedophiles with nothing more than an eye roll and a "ok, let's move on...", it was a nice little reminder that this clown car is still on the road because the press haven't done their fucking job in years.

Melania Trump chose not to accompany her husband. She really doesn't care, do you?

None of his kids were there either. Later in the day Don Jr got himself all coked up and posted a photo of the Judge's daughter on his Truth(sic) Social page, thereby inciting the culty crazies to attack her. Even Eric, the dumber son, was smart enough to delete his tweet doing the same thing. As for Ivanka....nobody knows where she is. And nobody remembers the other girl's name.

Of course this entire circus lends itself to even more grifting. Trump has raised millions since the indictments were announced (depending on who you believe, between 7 and 10 million dollars), and his campaign is now offering t shirts containing a fake mug shot of their idol. For $36. However, if you give $47, the t shirt is free. You gotta admire his accountants. Only in America do poor Kid Rock fans cover the legal expenses of supposed billionaires. We’re special that way.

Whatever happens with these charges, and there are many who suggest they’ll be tamped down into misdemeanors and he’ll get off with some bullshit fine, much more serious charges are pending elsewhere. Yesterday might have been just the first step towards his inevitable orange jump-suit fitting, but you gotta start somewhere.

In a bit…

--tf