"Greased for nothing...."
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It was a great Super Bowl. The city of Philly may have dodged a bullet, depending on your point of view. Since well lubricated Eagle bros were widely filmed flipping cars over a few hours before kickoff, let's just say there may have been a few folks in the city not crying over a bogus holding call that sealed the game for the Chiefs. Turns out all those poles were greased for nothing. Shots of thousands of despondent fans wandering aimlessly down Broad St, too despondent for mayhem, surely wasn't what the media was looking for. As a Steeler fan, I didn't care who won, but was silently rooting for the Eagles just to see with my own eyes how a "celebration" differs from a "riot". Whatever could that difference be?
Much like the game itself, the much anticipated post game meeting between the Kelce brothers did not disappoint either.
"Fuck you. Congratulations", said Jason to his brother Travis.
Perfect. Now THAT’S Philly.
The pre-game version of the song "Lift Every Voice and Sing", known as the black national anthem, drove the Klan crazy (a host over at Newsmax wants the song to be made illegal.....and had special praise for Arizona gubernatorial loser Kari Lake, who was at the game and pointedly refused to stand for it)....and it took a nice soothing regular National Anthem, from the guy who looks like the Duck Dynasty dude to walk them back off the ledge. Both songs sounded glorious, by the way. Chris Stapleton made the Eagle's coach cry. I didn't have to heart to tell my MAGA friends that Stapleton is a liberal, and a vocal supporter of Black Lives Matter. By this time they were already getting riled up over the upcoming Rihanna half-time show, so I didn't want to pile on.
Nothing triggers a nation of trigger-happy trolls like a Super Bowl halftime show. Throw in a few crotch grabs and some back-up dancer hip thrusts, and Americans suddenly turn into an innocent horde of virginal country bumpkins. (Unless it’s….you know…..a guy doing it)
The former Pussy-grabber and chief weighed in, albeit on the vast wasteland known as Truth Social, so he had to rely on screen shares on Twitter. He said "Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history..", which makes you wonder where he rates Maroon 5. The man who needs 2 hands to drink a bottled water said she has "NO TALENT" (in caps, so you know he's really sore). He's been mad at Rihanna since she sued to stop him from playing her music at his hate rallies....which begs the question why is he choosing to play the music of somebody with "NO TALENT" at his rallies to begin with? What....the Lee Greenwood and Kid Rock CDs got left behind on the plane?
Twitter and Facebook lit up with folks who may not have been in the arena, but sure were not shy in shit-talking the girl who was. Rihanna was pregnant, suspended 7 stories high, singing (sometimes) and dancing and gyrating through 13 songs in 13 minutes, in her first live performance in over 6 YEARS…..all the while being second guessed by guys on my feed who work in the produce department at Gerrity's. It’s the darndest thing.
“A critic is someone who enters the battlefield after the war is over and shoots the wounded....", so said the late American journalist Murray Kempton. Last night I wanted to kiss him on the lips.....for a variety of reasons.
And speaking of Twitter, and just in case you needed any nudge-nudge-wink-wink, Chief Twit Elon Musk and Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch were sitting together at the game, surely comparing disinformation notes. Nothing says "I don't trust the media" like yukking it up with America's premier propagandist. As if we needed more reasons to call Musk a dick.
Oh, and in other news? Republicans remain pissed off at "woke" M&Ms. I'm not sure why. You'll need to ask around.
Also, nobody outspent Jesus this year.....as his "he gets us" ads featured prominently. Twenty million dollars worth of ads. I was fine with them, although I can’t help but think Jesus might spend that kind of money on something more tangible than a PR campaign. Regardless, they are quite well done and have a lovely message. That is, until I learned that they are at least partially bankrolled by the Hobby Lobby guy, and an assortment of homophobic evangelicals, all of whom would brand Jesus a woke radical commie socialist libtard if he was dumb enough to ever come back here. The ads merely served as another reminder to me that we should not put people who believe in he rapture in charge of anything.
But still, they were better than the dumb Pringles commercial. Nobody in history has ever jammed their arm inside a Pringles can. You pour the last few into your mouth like you’re taking a drink. Everybody knows this.
In short, there was LOTS to distract us from the fact that our military had spent much of the time leading up to kickoff shooting down UFOs. The American brain cannot really manage multiple things at once, so the UFO thing was put on hold. Thankfully nothing strayed into the air space over State Farm Stadium last night. Eagle fans, already convinced the fix was in, might have lost it completely.
In a bit...
--tf